Abe's Light-Year Lasagna: A Recipe

Step 1: Acquire around $30,000 and an unusually large paper boat, as well as lasagna noodles.
Step 2: Hard-boil some eggs in the sands of Mars. This should give your sauce a nice red colour.
Step 3: Blend the eggs with a hefty load  of pomegranate seeds, and crushed tomatoes just days from rotting, in order to create your sauce.
Step 4: BOIL the lasagna noodles in a crock-pot for 4 days straight on the lowest heat setting it will allow, removing every last shred of humanity from them. Did I mention you’re gonna need a lot?
Step 5: Use the $30,000 to purchase the w  i  d  e  s  t, 

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pan you can find and fill it with your creation. Use dual layers of noodles for extra stability and make more sauce as needed.
Step 6: Fill a bucket with sand and place a single meatball (meat is up to you) on top. Black sand with a high iron content is preferable but not necessary.
Step 7: Travel to your local beach by way of bike. If you don’t have one near you, fill a kiddie pool with sand and water in an attempt to fool the gods.
Step 8: Place the bucket in the water, near the sand.
Step 9: Place a knife that you want to be sharpened in the bucket, stabbing it through the meatball in the process.
Step 10: shine a laser pointer with 0.005-0.9 watts of power (WEAR GOGGLES IF OPERATING A MORE POWERFUL BEAM) on the blade of the knife, into the meatball.

Step 12: Collect your knife. It should now be the sharpest edge in the universe, its only equals created through this same process.
Step 13. Return to your lasagna. If it is still hot, proceed.
Step 14. Set a timer for 4 minutes.
Step 15: Wait 2 minutes.

Step 16: Cut the lasagna in half.
Step x=x+1: Wait half the remaining time, then cut the smallest piece in half.
Step ∞: You should now have an infinite number of pieces.
Step 17?: Set a timer for 10 minutes. You’re gonna need more time for this one.

Step y=y+1: wait half the time remaining, then stack the largest piece on top of the stack.
Step ∞: You should now have a lasagna of infinite height.
Step 18: Climb to the top of your lasagna tower and shine a laser pointer in the eyes of the gods, blinding them to the sins you’re about to commit.

Step 20: Ignore step 19, it’s been purged from this timeline for a reason, and enjoy eating lasagna for the rest of eternity! (remember that falling off your lasagna will result in death)